Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda
I played a round of golf yesterday with my brother and his wife who were in town visiting for a couple days. I use to play a lot of golf, but these days my golf rounds come few and far between. As a matter of fact, yesterday was just the second time I’d been out this year. If you add the past few years together, I think I may have played golf about 5 times over the past three years. So, you can well imagine just how rusty, and inconsistent I can be on the golf course.
All in all though, I do enjoy a nice relaxing round of golf. Well, when it’s relaxing. If you take the game too seriously, when you’re just a hacker like me, the last word coming to mind is relaxing on the golf course. It’s always interesting to watch the weekend golfer who thinks he’s Tiger Woods screaming and yelling and throwing golf clubs all over the place. A weekend golfer is just that, a weekend golfer. It is suppose to be a time of relaxation where we enjoy time with friends, and yes, even admiring the wonderful scenery on the golf course.
I did pretty well on the golf course. While I didn’t break 100, I must admit I came closer than I ever have before. But then again, if I hadn’t duffed that shot on the 2nd hole, missed those putts on way too many holes to count, and not lost 6 or 7 balls on the golf course, I coulda done a whole lot better.
Ahhh yes, the world of shoulda, woulda, coulda…
I’ve been thinking about that phrase over the past few days as well. A lot of people live in what I call the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda World. It’s really a world of make-believe where we don’t take responsibility for our actions. It’s really a way of shifing the blame off of us, and putting it onto someone else. I think it may even border on the line of denial of what’s really going on around us. Sure, I missed a few putts, okay, I missed a lot of putts. Sure I lost some balls in the rough, and yes, I did duff a number of shots on the golf course yesterday. But, if I didn’t want to miss all those shots, and I really wanted to break 100, I’d be spending more time on the golf course than I do now. But, I just don’t find golf as a high priority in my life right now. I enjoy the game, and I enjoy the company of family and friends when playing, but I’m just a weekend duffer, not a golfer.
Now, these thoughts didn’t just come out of nowhere. As I mentioned above, I’ve been thinking about the world of Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda over the past week or so in light of a recent report about the tragic Virginia Tech shootings. I really find it somewhat disturbing, and if anything, it’s also a terrible way to remember such a tragady as the loss of so many lives at the hands of one very disturbed individual.
Many news organizations are talking about a report that pretty much takes the blame off of the shooter, and places it on the leadership of Virginia Tech. The report basically says if Virginia Tech leaders had of done more, the tragedy could have been avoided. First off, there’s no big d’oh there. It’s like my parents have always said, Hindsight is always 20-20. It’s easy to armchair any event after it happens and say it’s all your fault. If you had of done this, if you had of done that, none of this would have happened. In other words, it’s the world of Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda rising it’s ugly head once again. In the end, this line of thinking accomplishes very little in the area of actually learning and growing from an experience. All it does is shift the blame, and forces us into a place of denial of what’s really going on around us.
Could things have been done better at Virginia Tech? Probaby. Would things have been different at Virginia Tech if other things had of been done? Probably. But reality is this, a very tragic event took place and a number of people died needlessly at the hands of one very disturbed individual.
The path to healing does not come from tossing accusations around and pointing fingers at others while living in the world of Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda. The path to healing comes when we look to encourage one another through times of tragedy, instead of throwing stones at one another.
It’s like my mother always said; Be careful when you point a finger at someone, there’s always three fingers pointing right back at you.
Just my two cents,
Dr. Rus
